EMHE #11 – True Love in a Marriage

Extreme Makeover Home EditionMarriage:  True Love in a Marriage1 Corinthians 13:4-7Message #11Intro: This morning in looking at God’s Word for wisdom to help us to avoid the damaging effects of adultery we looked at the final 4 tools that can help us to avoid becoming involved in this dangerous and damaging sin.  Those final 4 tools were:          6) No romantic involvement with another person          7) God sees and knows what goes on          8) Sin is a trap          9) Sexual sin brings serious consequences– Tonight we are going to look at True Love in a Marriage.  This is something that many take for granted that is won’t happen or can’t happen in a marriage.  Most people think that there is this point in your marriage when it is expected to lack love.– We are going to see from the Word of God that True Love in a Marriage is important and attainable with the help of God.  When we confess our sins to God and our spouse we are able to seek the help of the Holy Spirit to be able to truly love each other in our marriages.– Let’s take a look at those 15 Characteristics of True Love that are necessary to have Love in a Marriage:   15 Characteristics of True Love1) Patient (4)– Biblical patience is a God-given, restraint in face of opposition or oppression.  It is not passivity.  The initiative lies with God’s love, or the Christian’s, in meeting wrong in this way.  Christians are to show this kind of character.  In Proverbs the value of patience is stressed; it avoids strife, and promotes the wise response to provocation.makroqumei – pres,act,ind – to be longsuffering, to be patient.  It is a holding out of the mind before it gives room to action or passion – generally to passion (Trench, Synonyms).  It is the steadfast spirit which will never give in (NTW, TDNT, EDNT).  The idea of the word is that it takes a long time before fuming and breaking into flames.  Present either emphasizes the continual state of action or is gnomic, indicating that which is always true.“Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head,” 1 Cor 13:4 ~ The Message– “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,” Gal 5:22 ~ NASB– “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love,” Eph 4:2 ~ NASB– “So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience;” Col 3:12 ~ NASB                 2) Kind (4)– State of being that includes the attributes of loving affection, sympathy, friendliness, patience, pleasantness, gentleness, and goodness. Kindness is a quality shown in the way a person speaks and acts. It is more volitional than emotional.  Tyndale Bible Dictionarycrhsteuetaiv – pres, act, mid (dep) – to be useful, to be kind and gracious, to show kindness, one who renders gracious, well-disposed service to others (EGT, TDNT, Trench Synonyms, TLNT).  In the second century, the spectacle of Christian love was so stunning for pagans that they called Christians not christiani but chrestinai, “made up of mildness or kindness” (TLNT).  (Rogers & Rogers)– “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”  Eph 4:32 ~ NASB– “and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love.”            2 Pet 1:7         “Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.”  1 Jn 4:11  3) Not jealous (4)zhlow – pres, act, ind – to be fervent, to boil with envy, to be jealous (Rogers & Rogers).  1 to burn with zeal. (Strongs Lexicon)                    * 1a to be heated or to boil with envy, hatred, anger.                              > 1a1 in a good sense, to be zealous in the pursuit of good.                     * 1b to desire earnestly, pursue.                              > 1b1 to desire one earnestly, to strive after, busy one’s self about him.                     > 1b2 to exert one’s self for one (that he may not be torn from me). > 1b3 to be the object of the zeal of others, to be zealously sought after.                     * 1c to envy. – “Let us behave properly as in the day, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual promiscuity and sensuality, not in strife and jealousy.”  Rom 13:13 ~ NASB– “For I am afraid that perhaps when I come I may find you to be not what I wish and may be found by you to be not what you wish; that perhaps there will be strife, jealousy, angry tempers, disputes, slanders, gossip, arrogance, disturbances;”                2 Cor 12:20 ~ NASB– “Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another.”           Gal 5:26 ~ NASB 4) Does not brag (4)perpereutai – pres, mid, ind (dep) – to brag, to boast.  On who talks a lot and acts presumptuously, to be a windbag.  Ostentation/showiness is the chief idea and ostentatious boasting leads easily to the next point – arrogance (RP, TDNT, NW).1 to boast one’s self.   (Strongs Lexicion)– 2 a self display, employing rhetorical embellishments in extolling one’s self excessively.  (Strongs Lexicion)– “Through insolence comes nothing but strife, but wisdom is with those who receive counsel.”  Prov 13:10 ~ NASB – “The end of a matter is better than its beginning; Patience of spirit is better than haughtiness of spirit.”  Eccl 7:8 ~ NASB 5) Not arrogant (4)fusioutai pres, mid, ind – to puff up, to puff oneself out like a pair of bellows (RWP)2 to inflate, blow up, to cause to swell up. (Strongs Lexicon)         * 2a to puff up, make proud.          * 2b to be puffed up, to bear one’s self loftily, be proud– to cause someone to be proud, arrogant, or haughty—‘to make proud, to make arrogant, to make haughty.  (Louw & Nida)– “Now concerning things sacrificed to idols, we know that we all have knowledge. Knowledge makes arrogant, but love edifies.”  1 Cor 8:1 ~ NASB– “See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ.”  Col 2:18 ~ NASB – “Now these things, brethren, I have figuratively applied to myself and Apollos for your sakes, so that in us you may learn not to exceed what is written, so that no one of you will become arrogant in behalf of one against the other. For who regards you as superior? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it?”  1 Cor 4:6-7 ~ NASB 6) Does not unbecomingly (5)aschmonei – pres, act, ind – to behave indecently or in a shameful manner.  Love is tactful and does nothing that would raise a blush (RP).– to act in defiance of social and moral standards, with resulting disgrace, embarrassment, and shame—‘to act shamefully, indecent behavior, shameful deed.’ (Louw & Nida)“It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs”  1 Cor 13:5 ~ NIV“It’s not rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.”  1 Cor 13:5 ~ NLTDoesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always “me first,”doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,” 1 Cor 13:5 ~ The Message– “And the people will be oppressed, Each one by another, and each one by his neighbor; The youth will storm against the elder And the inferior against the honorable.”  Isa 3:5 ~ NASB– “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.”  Phil 4:8 ~NASB 7) Does not seek its own (5)zhtei – pres, act, ind – a continual or habitual action – of seeking one’s own desires or priorities– “Let no one seek his own good, but that of his neighbor. just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit but the profit of the many, so that they may be saved.”  1 Cor 10:24,33 ~ NASB– “so that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another.”  1 Cor 12:25– “For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”  Gal 5:13 ~ NASB 8) Not provoked (5)paroxunetai – pres, pass, ind – to irritate, to promote to anger, passive – to be irritate, to be touchy, to become indignant/offended/put out (CCFJ).  Selfishness generates the irritability (EGT).– 1 to make sharp, sharpen.  (Strongs Lexicon)         * 1a to stimulate, spur on, urge.          * 1b to irritate, provoke, arouse to anger.                   >1b1 to scorn, despise.                   > 1b2 provoke, make angry.                   > 1b3 to exasperate, to burn with anger. – to urge, prick or spur on, stimulate; to anger, provoke, irritate, exasperate  (Liddel & Scott)– The verb means “to spur,” “to stir to anger,” passive “to be provoked, incensed.” The noun is rare and means “provocation” or “irritation. occurs in Acts 17:16, where the meaning is not that Paul is stimulated to preach but that he is honestly angered by the idolatry. Similarly in 1 Cor. 13:5 love does not let itself be provoked-there were many provoking things at Corinth. The noun has the sense of “irritation” in Acts 15:39 when Paul and Barnabas disagree about taking Mark with them. In Heb. 10:24, however, the neutral sense of “stimulating” is the obvious one.  (TDNT)            – “A quick-tempered man acts foolishly, And a man of evil devices is hated.”           Prov 14:17 ~ NASB– “”But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, `You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, `You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.”  Matt 5:22 ~ NASB– “This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.”  Jas 1:19-20 ~ NASB 9) Does not take into account a wrong suffered (5)logizetai – pres, mid, ind – to credit someone’s account, to put to one’s account for future payment.  Here, “does not register (the evil).”  Love stores up no resentment and bears no malice (RP, TDNT, MM).            – to count, reckon, calculate, compute (Liddel & Scott)– In secular Greek this word is used                     * (a) commercially for “to reckon,” “to charge,”                      * (b) more generally for “to deliberate,” “to conclude”.          – “Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all transgressions.”  Prov 10:12 ~ NASB– “Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.”  1 Pet 4:8 ~ NASB 10) Does not rejoice in unrighteousness (6)          cairei – pres, act, ind – to rejoice          – rejoice, be glad, be delighted (Mt 5:12; Php 4:4)             It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.”            1 Cor 13:6 ~ NLTDoesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,”           1 Cor 13:6 ~ The Message “For the wicked boasts of his heart’s desire, And the greedy man curses and spurns the LORD.”  Ps 10:3 ~ NASB         – “A false witness will not go unpunished, And he who tells lies will perish.”           Prov 19:9 ~ NASB– “and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them.”  Rom 1:32 ~ NASB 11) Rejoices with the truth (6)         sugcarei – pres, act, ind – to rejoice together, to join in rejoicing– to enjoy a state of happiness or well-being together with someone else—‘to enjoy with, to rejoice with.  (Louw & Nida)         – “Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good.”           Rom 12:9 ~ NASB – “But even if I am being poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrifice and service of your faith, I rejoice and share my joy with you all. You too, I urge you, rejoice in the same way and share your joy with me.”  Phil 2:17-18– “But now that Timothy has come to us from you, and has brought us good news of your faith and love, and that you always think kindly of us, longing to see us just as we also long to see you, for this reason, brethren, in all our distress and affliction we were comforted about you through your faith; for now we really live, if you stand firm in the Lord. For what thanks can we render to God for you in return for all the joy with which we rejoice before our God on your
         account, as we night and day keep praying most earnestly that we may see your face, and may complete what is lacking in your faith?”  1 Thess 3:6-10 ~ NASB 12) Bears all things (7)stegei – pres, act, ind – to cover (as a roof).  The meaning is either to cover in the sense of to protect, as a roof, or to bear up as to support, as a roof (Barrett) or to endure, forbear, to put up with (RP, Fee).The idea of covering with the cloak of love accords well with it. It might have the sense “to keep silent about all things” (which it might be harmful to others to utter). This differs little from “to cover all things. This is amplifying what is said about faith, hope and endurance by a reference to the covering up of unfavorable things. This shows that this love is rooted in God’s love.  (TDNT)Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through everycircumstance.” 1 Cor 13:7 ~ NLT          “Puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end.” 1 Cor 13:7 ~ The Message    – “Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves.”  Rom 15:1 ~ NASB         – “Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.”  Gal 6:2 ~ NASB 13) Believes all things (7)pisteuei – pres, act, ind – to believe.  Love trusts that the motives of action are pure.– to believe something to be true and, hence, worthy of being trusted—‘to believe, to think to be true, to regard as trustworthy.  (Louw & Nida)– “Teach me good discernment and knowledge, For I believe in Your commandments.”  Ps 119:66 ~ NASB 14) Hopes all things (7)          elpizei – pres, act, ind – to hope.  Love hopes that the motives of action are pure.– hope for, an attitude of looking forward to, usually, adj. trusting, confident hope (Louw & Nida)          – to hope for, look for, expect (Liddel & Scott)    – “For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees?”  Rom 8:24 ~ NASB  15) Endures all things (7) uJpomenei – pres, act, ind – to endure, to bear up patiently (TDNT, Trench Synonyms).  Love has this indefatigable/untiring capacity to endure despite the ingratitude, bad conduct, and problems that all communal/commnal living involves, and this without complaining or becoming discouraged (TLNT).  When the motives prove to be impure, love bears with it with no resentment!– to continue to bear up despite difficulty and suffering—‘to endure, to bear up, to demonstrate endurance, to put up with.’ (Louw & Nida)– “I robbed other churches by taking wages from them to serve you; and when I was present with you and was in need, I was not a burden to anyone; for when the brethren came from Macedonia they fully supplied my need, and in everything I kept myself from being a burden to you, and will continue to do so. As the truth of Christ is in me, this boasting of mine will not be stopped in the regions of Achaia. Why? Because I do not love you? God knows I do! But what I am doing I will continue to do, so that I may cut off opportunity from those who desire an opportunity to be regarded just as we are in the matter about which they are boasting.”           2 Cor 11:8-12 ~ NASB– “therefore, we ourselves speak proudly of you among the churches of God for your perseverance and faith in the midst of all your persecutions and afflictions which you endure.”           2 Thess 1:4 ~ NASB– “Suffer hardship with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No soldier in active service entangles himself in the affairs of everyday life, so that he may please the one who enlisted him as a soldier. Also if anyone competes as an athlete, he does not win the prize unless he competes according to the rules. The hard-working farmer ought to be the first to receive his share of the crops. Consider what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything. Remember Jesus Christ, risen from the dead, descendant of David, according to my gospel, for which I suffer hardship even to imprisonment as a criminal; but the word of God is not imprisoned. For this reason I endure all things for the sake of those who are chosen, so that they also may obtain the salvation which is in Christ Jesus and with it eternal glory.”  2 Tim 2:3-10 ~ NASB– “Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.”  Jas 1:12 Conclusion:– In this passage this morning we saw 15 Characteristics of True Love in a Marriage.  Here is a quick review of those 15 Characteristics of True Love in a Marriage:         1) Patient         2) Kind         3) Not jealous         4) Does not brag         5) Not arrogant         6) Does not act unbecomingly         7) Does not seek its own         8) Not provoked         9) Does not take into account a wrong suffered         10) Does not rejoice in unrighteousness         11) Rejoices with the truth         12) Bears all things         13) Believes all things         14) Hopes all things         15) Endures all things– These are characteristics that are crucial in a God-honoring marriage.  For us to be able to have marriages that are characterized by this kind of true love, we must have a personal relationship with God through His Son Jesus Christ, and keep Jesus Christ as the head of our marriages and households.

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